Cleaning out My Closet

I just finished cleaning out one of my closets. I am tired, wheezy and my nose is running. But, it had to be done. I’m starting a new job on Monday so I went shopping for new clothes yesterday, and I needed to sort through my old clothes and see what I have that I can wear to the office. I packed up a lot of clothes for Goodwill and threw out a bunch of shoes.

Cleaning out my closet was also a (short) trip down memory lane. I had done pretty well in clearing out a lot of clothes when I first moved to this apartment 6 years ago.

(Although there was one item I got rid of that I really wish I hadn’t – a nightgown with a big blue cat on it that my mother gave me when I was a junior in high school. I remember seeing it when I dumped a huge garbage bag of clothes into the Salvation Army dumpster in Jersey City and thinking, “I should grab that.” But by the time the thought was formed, the nightgown was covered up and I let it go. I wish I had saved it.)

There were several times I looked at a skirt or pair of pants and thought “I actually got into these once!” How sobering to think I haven’t worn (er…haven’t been ABLE to wear) some of these things in over 7 years. Of course, I kept a lot of those kinds of things – kicky, flirty skirts I used to traipse around in my first summer in NY, when I was buying clothes like crazy because I couldn’t believe I was actually in NY and could buy kicky, flirty skirts off the rack.

I did get rid of a shirt with a rather dubious history. I think the last time I wore it was 7 years ago. It was a dusty rose short-sleeve, button-up denim shirt that I work with a pair of black pants. I remember feeling down in the dumps that day and, while walking to the PATH with the BF, remarked, “I feel frumpy.” To which he responded, “Well, you look frumpy.” And to think he couldn’t understand why I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. Sheesh.

I chucked a bunch of shoes, too – mostly black shoes that were unfixable in some way, like peeling pleather or something. I did hang on to all of my dance shoes, even the 14-year-old jazz shoes that have been resoled 5 times. I also held on to my favorite pair of vinyl platform shoes I bought in ’97 and wore in my first off-off-Broadway show and a pair of green and black faux alligator-skin Doc Martens. I’ll wear them again someday. I also have a pair of over-the-knee black suede boots that the BF convinced me to buy in the first month we were dating. The cuff is made of multi-colored diamond-shaped pieces of suede - think harliquinesque. He swore I could wear them when we went dancing.

We have never gone dancing.



I used to be such a clothes/shoe horse that it’s odd that I don’t feel any real attachment to the clothes I got rid of – just relief that I’ve got some space again. Does that mean I’m getting old or just getting realistic?

Nah, I think it means that I’ve watched too many episodes of
Clean Sweep!

Little things

There is a woman in my building who is disabled. I'm not sure what is wrong with her. She is wheelchair bound and has an attendant taking care of her. I know she has diabetes but I don't know what else. She is alert and can sit up in her chair and move her arms, but she doesn't speak. All she can do is say "Ma ma ma ma. Ma ma ma ma."

I usually see her in the evening, when I'm coming in after work. Her attendant wheels her out to the front of the building and they sit outside. I speak to them whenever I see them - small talk - lovely weather (well, not recently) and the like.

I didn't realize that this meant anything to my neighbor until one afternoon I came home early and, while walking up the walk, heard something behind me. I turned and my neighbor was there, with a different attendant, ma-ma-ma-ing up a storm. I walked back and greeted her and the attendant told me that when my neighbor saw me, she got excited and started pointing to me.

I can't describe how this touched me. I had been making small talk because it was the polite thing to do - I wasn't raised to just walk by and ignore someone. But, at that moment, I realized that my being polite obviously meant something more to my neighbor. Now, when I see her, I make a point to speak directly to her, since she obviously understands what I'm saying, even if she can't respond. I take her hand and look into her eyes and I recognize her as a person.

I would like to think I was raised to recognize everyone as a person, but it appears some lessons need reinforcement. I'm grateful to my neighbor for providing that reinforcement.

What a difference a Day makes

Yesterday I was going to write this angst-ridden entry about how depressed I was and how I hated being in limbo and all that jazz. I was annoyed and pissed off and then my firewall started acting up and the desk chair completely bit the dust and, since I had spent most of the day being BORED out of my head, surfing the few websites I was able to get to at work (honestly, how many times can you actually read CNN.com? I think I read every. single. article on the website. Even the sports and business ones, so you KNOW I was hurting)I decided the computer could have the night off.

Besides, an encore presentation of ANTM-5 followed by CiC were on last night and I didn't feel like missing them (and there's an entry of it's own...the two TV shows I will not miss - models and first female president. And just what does that say about me?)

So, I didn't write yesterday. I didn't write about how frustrated I was, working for an hourly wage that doesn't cover my bills but knowing that I've been offered a job for a salary that is more than I've ever made before - a salary that will enable me to pay my bills, start aggressively paying down my debt, save money every month AND let me get a manicure/pedicure/accupressure massage twice a month - but I have no idea when I'll begin working because the background check takes at least 5 days and Monday was a holiday.

So, I waited until today, figuring I'd write just about the same thing, with the addition of complaining about the rain that will never stop.

But what happened was this...I left work early (I got there early, so I wasn't losing any $$$), got home early, did some stretches and just felt so much better. And then I got the phone call. One of the big-wigs from the employment agency called to tell me that the background check was complete and he just wanted to know when I wanted to start the new job! I asked for next Wednesday - so I can take Monday and Tuesday off - and I'll find out tomorrow for sure. WOW! I've been terrified to get really excited about the new job because I was afraid it would fall through. But it looks like it's going to be okay. It's hard to believe.

Now I just hope I didn't jinx myself by deleting a chain email I received today. I hate those things. But, again, that's another post!


(And BTW...read this
article. It was one I started at the office and decided I didn't want to be seen reading it. If you don't have a membership, it's worth sitting through the 30 second ad for a day pass!)

Art of Emotion

Oooo...I found this entry that I started last week. I don't remember why I didn't post it so I'm going to go ahead and put it up. I'm going to the opera again this weekend so maybe I'll remember what I was trying go say...

I went to the Opera last weekend. I saw Madama Butterfly. I did not shed a tear until the curtain call when the wonderful singer playing Butterfly started crying when she received a standing ovation. Nothing like true emotion to get me choked up and teary.

I consider myself a romantic masquerading as a cynic. I don't like people to realize that I'm just a big mush ball, easily manipulated by obvious emotional ploys. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition gets me every. single. time.

However, when I see movies, I don't want to be manipulated. I want to feel that emotion because the character got me to that point. There's nothing I hate more than when I'm starting to get teary and I realize it's the music that did it to me, not the text or the character.

Don't get me wrong...I'm all for emotional music. Mozart's Requiem makes my soul tremble (or maybe I'm just remembering singing it with a full choir, orchestra and a hangover). And Vesti la giubba always made me shiver, even before I knew what the song meant.

And now I've gone and completely forgotten the point of this entry.


(I just spell-checked it and the word "Makeover" was not recognized. It came up as macabre. I guess some people would think that fitting...yet when I left the r out of macabre, the spellcheck couldn't come up with it. Bizarre.

Tagged by Pobble...

Fun tag from the Pobble who got tagged by DonDon...

1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence (or close to it.)
4. Post that, along with these rules, in your blog.
5. Tag 5 people.


Here's the 5th sentence (or close to it)...

Shave my head.


That's kinda funny. And, coincidentally, from another tag by Pobble. She's a tricky one, that Pobble!

And if I knew 5 people who actually read this thing, then I'd tag 'em. However, since Pobble and the Reluctant Texan are the only two that I know read this on occasion, I'm afraid I can only tag one person.

RT - Tag! (if you wanna!)

Things I want...

1 - MP3 player - I walk 2 miles to the train station. I have a 35 minute ride to the city. I need me some tunes!!!

2 - New bed - Right now our mattress is on the floor. We had a bed but it was old (and I mean OLD) and it broke. And it was so old, it broke when we weren't even in it. How sad is that?!? I want a platform bed with drawers. I need more storage space.

3 - Kitty City - okay, so obviously this isn't for me. It's for the stinker, Isabella. She loves the two cat trees she already has and I know she would just go binky-bonkers for this thing. I hope to get it for her before she gets to be too old to enjoy it.

4 - New cross trainers - like I said, I walk 2 miles to the train station (actually 4 miles if we count the way home). I've put some serious milage on the shoes I have right now.

5 - Bra fitting - I want to own a bra that actually fits me. I want to be measured and be fitted with a bra that doesn't bind, pinch, or poke. One that holds me in and yet still looks flattering.

6 - Mini Cooper - yeah, like that's gonna happen.

7 - Pug - once I'm in an actual house.

8 - Engagement ring - guess I'd better talk to the BF about that one...

9 - PSP - have you seen this thing??? Wow! Talk about amazing technology.

10 - new cell phone - one with a camera so I can take pictures of all the pugs I see in the city.

Thought rags

Random thoughts...

1) I haven't written much about my cats recently...I've been neglectful. After all, they were supposed to be the reason I started this thing in the first place. I have found, though, that as much as I love my cats, I can't imagine anyone really cares to hear about their adventures every day. Let's face it, everyone thinks he/she has the best pets in the world. But of course, everyone is wrong since Isabella and Merlin are the best pets ever. Except when Merlin sticks his paw up my nose at 5:00am to get me up or Isabella sticks her paw in the printer and breaks off little pieces.

2) I read a really great blog this evening - Bear Tracks. Check it out. The link is right over there ----->

3) I almost got creamed by a squirrel the other morning. I generally walk to the train station and I was passing under a tree when "Splat!" a squirrel smacked the sidewalk right in front of me. If I had been moving a smidgen faster, he would have landed right on top of my head. As it was, I almost stepped on him while simultaneously nearly choking my heart out. Mr. Squirrel appeared to be all right, though. He ran back up the tree. The next day I got an acorn thrown at me. I think I'll start walking on the other side of the street.

4) I got a job offer this week. I just got the official written offer today (via FedEx, no less) with lots of paperwork to sign and send back. I'm starting to get a bit excited about the whole thing. I don't know when my first day is - it depends on how long the background check is. They will be checking my employment history, my educational history and my criminal history. They won't find much in the latter department - unless the fashion police filed a report.

5) Brittany Spears is having marital troubles. With her husband's track record, I can't imagine why...

6) The Pobble's birthday was this week. I hope she had a wonderful birthday week.

7) Mr. Bush said in a speech yesterday that the terrorists were using the war in Iraq as an excuse. Hmmm...I'm not supportive of the terrorists in any way, shape, or form, yet I seem to recall that Mr. Bush used the terrorists as an excuse to invade Iraq...

8) Is anyone else out in Blog-land impatiently waiting for 11/8 and the release of A Feast for Crows?

9) If you want to eat raw cookie dough but are afraid of the raw egg, you can replace the egg with one tablespoon of milled flax seed and three tablespoons of water. And you'll get fiber and Omega 3 oils. Yum!

10) There used to be an abandoned apartment building near the Metro North 125th St. Station stop in Harlem that was right near the southbound train tracks. Most of the windows were knocked out, exposing the rooms to the elements. There was one room with an interior door opening into the room. The back of the door faced the broken window. Hanging on this door was a pair of khaki pants. They were folded up and hanging on a hanger which was hanging on the back of the door - not the door knob, the door itself.
The pants hung there for years. I've often wondered what the story was behind them. The entire apartment was empty - devoid of furniture and any signs of life - except for these pants. What were they doing there? Who left them behind and why?
The pants aren't there anymore. As part of the Harlem revitalization (aka regentrification aka let's get rid of all the poor people who have been living here all their lives) the building was gutted and renovated into what looks like beautiful (and expensive) apartments.

That's it. Random thoughts and dribbles from my brain. 10's enough for now. I'll probably think of 10 more as soon as I turn off the computer. Such is life...I think I'll go have a cookie and a glass of milk before scooping up my big, black, deaf fur ball and heading off to sleep.