Pobble...this one's for you!

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Freaky website just for Pobble.

Quick Update

I have two interviews coming up soon. Wish me luck.

And, since this is such a short and nothing post, check this out.

Now why didn't I think of this?

Safe...for now

I headed into the city this morning in my best suit (oh, who am I kidding? My ONLY suit. Which I bought last year and I spent the entire train ride worrying that I had missed a tag) and headed over to the employment agency to get the low-down on my interview.

I met 4 people - all very apologetic about the situation and they prepped me for my interview and sent me down to meet the guy. The interview lasted all of 15 minutes. He told me that I was too experienced and I'd be bored. After hearing the description of the job, I think I can safely say he would have been right!

So, annoyed and depressed, I made my way back upstairs. While waiting to talk to someone at the agency, I got a call from the head of another department of the company I'm temping with. She wants me to work for her next week. I'm to meet with her tomorrow so I'll be able to talk to her about what she expects - whether she only wants me as at temp or if she wants to hire me full-time.

I figure if I can stay in the company long enough as a temp, then something is bound to open up. It's a global company, I can't imagine that all those positions stay full all the time.

So, I'll be commuting into the city again. At least I'll find the time to read once more!


Complete and utterly random non sequitur ... just finished watching the premiere of "Criminal Minds" (with the delicious Mandy Patinkin) and the final scene takes place at a gas station, allegedly in Dumfries, VA and the regular gas was only $1.99 a gallon. I have to wonder when that scene was filmed. I recently bought gas for $3.49. I felt lucky this evening to find it at $2.97. I remember when I could fill up my car for under $10.00. We're lucky to fill it up for under $30 now. And we just have a Corolla!

Wish me Luck ...

After a HORRID day yesterday, training my replacement, and an equally HORRID morning, I called my agency in desperation and pleaded with them to find me a job. 'Lo and behold, I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9:30am. And, in addition, I may have an interview tomorrow or Friday with another department of the company I'm currently working for. I like having options. The guy interviewing me tomorrow wants to make a decision by the end of the day so send me good vibes! I pulled out the suit I bought last June (and never wore) and tried it on this evening. It fits better now than when I bought it. Woo Hoo!!!

So, hi-ho, hi-ho, back to the city I go...

Yesterday, everyone in the department took the time to pull me aside and tell me how sorry they were that I was leaving and that I should NOT take it personally. There's more turn-over in that department than a Ronco Rotisserie Cooker! (okay, so I'm reaching there. I'm a bit frazzled). The organizational chart created in January is about three versions obsolete. There have been at least 6 temps before me, lasting for various amounts of time. I think I lasted the least amount of time. Oh well. I guess the perfect assistant will be like pornography.

(You know...she'll know it when she sees it).

But I digress...I think. Isabella is begging to be played with and she distracted me. I'm not sure where I was going.

Oh well. I guess I'm going to play with Isabella so she'll stop attacking Merlin.

Careful what you wish for ...

So, after a couple of days, I decided that I really like my new job. I have new-found respect for Executive Assistants. It's really hard to put together a meeting for 20 busy executives and find a meeting room. Plus, the last few days I've been doing some semi-creative work that I really enjoy. I was thinking just this afternoon how fast the time goes when I'm at work now and I almost went in and told my supervisor how much I was enjoying working there.

Instead, she called me in at 4:15 this afternoon to let me know that she was "restructuring" the position and, because she didn't want to "throw me out into the street" she was letting me stay on until Friday and, oh, my replacement is coming in tomorrow morning so I get to spend the week training her. And can I go slit my wrists now?

Argh!!! I knew there was a risk in leaving a full-time job for a temp-to-perm job but it was such a great opportunity. I suppose I should be thrilled that they were very happy with me and, according to my supervisor, the reason she waited until so late in the day to drop this on me was because she had hoped the HR person would be able to find me another position in the company.

No such luck.

So, on Monday, I get to start commuting in to NYC again and get to start at a new company again, and get to wonder every day if I'm going to be able to stay or if I'm going to have to start someplace else in a couple of weeks.

And I've been so digging working 1.5 miles from my house. I left my house at 8:30 this morning to walk to work by 9:00. It was so nice outside. In NYC, most work days start at 8:30, which means I have to leave my house at 7:00 to make it in to work by 8:30.

This just sucks.

And Isabella won't leave Merlin alone. Is it really bad that I want to lock her in the bathroom?

Is you is...

I currently have no creative outlet in my life and it is really rather frustrating. I’m not a writer by any stretch of the imagination. Yeah, so I majored in English with an emphasis on writing when I was an undergrad. I wrote one decent story during my 4 years in college. Okay, really only half a decent story. I ran out of steam towards the end and never finished it off, much to the disappointment of my professor. The first half of it was actually pretty good. I’ll have to see if I can find it and ship it up to the Pobble. Maybe she can finish it for me.

While in college, I took a course with a visiting poet. My attempts at poetry were laughable. I met with poet’s block at every turn and I don’t think I ever turned anything in. One day the professor finally asked me why I was in the class if I hated writing poetry so much. I told him honestly that I needed the course for my degree. He ended up assigning me an expository writing piece on something I loved. At that time, I loved dancing (and a sophomore English/Theater major who is now married with two children, but that’s another story).

So, here I am in New York, the Cultural Mecca of America. And I have no creative outlet in my life. I used to be an actress. I went to graduate school for acting. I was pretty damn good, too. And then reality hit once I moved up here. I didn’t have the fortitude to go out on auditions every single day. Nor did I have the money to take classes all over the city in order to make connections. I had student loans to pay, I had rent to pay. I found a “real” job that paid me enough to cover all my bills but I actually had to go to work everyday. In by 8:30am. Out by 5:00pm. 5 days a week. Yeah, a “real” job all right. A soul-sucking, creativity-stifling, coma-inducing job. So I finally had the money to pay for my acting classes but I no longer had the time. I also had security. And so I stayed in the job for 6 years too long. And every year, a fresh batch of just-out-of-school actor/waitress/wannabes came to New York and managed to make their mark and I quit going on auditions.

I haven’t been on an audition in over 5 years. I’m still paying on the student loans that got me the MFA in Acting and I’m not using what I learned. In fact, I’ve probably forgotten everything I learned. I was never comfortable with showing emotion on stage. (not a good thing when one is an actor) and I worked hard during my three years to be able to do that. I keep everything wrapped up so tightly in my “real” life that it almost shattered me when I had to unwind for class. But by the time the three years were over, I trusted everyone in my class in a way that I’ve never trusted anyone before. I couldn’t stand several of the people and have not gone out of my way to find them since we all graduated, but I trusted them on stage. I trusted each and every one of them to give back to me what I was giving to them. I have never felt that exposed or that safe again. And it was such amazing freedom.

I could never let myself go when I auditioned in NY. Don’t get me wrong, I did three shows before I called it quits. I even got a line in a review that was decent. But I didn’t trust anyone I was working with. Two of the shows were with a director from my MFA class. I’d do anything for him but he doesn’t direct a whole lot any more and, even if he did, he wouldn’t/couldn’t use me because I can’t Act the same anymore. I’ve lost all my training. And my confidence.

*sigh*

But at least I still dance, although I won’t be taking dance lessons this fall, more’s the pity. Perhaps if I have a night off, I’ll be able to take a class here or there. If all else fails, I’ll put in a cd (no Ipod, remember?) grab the headphones and dance as if no one is watching. And I’ll dance with Merlin and Isabella to “Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby” by Joe Williams. And I’ll remember how I was when I first moved to NYC over 8years ago and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to channel a little bit of that fearless woman and bring some creativity back into my life.

And won’t that be a joyous day?

Drat that Pobble!

In a past life I was ...

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Happy Go Lucky Assassin. Where You Lived: Burma. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

If I were a Mixed Drink I would be ...

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party. You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Machiavelli who?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

My personality ...

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise. Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself. You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life. You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world. A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

My Kissing purity...

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

And some Pobble didn't include that I thought were fun ...

Your Outrageous Name is:

Minnie Skurt

Outrageous Name Generator

Your Sexy Brazilian Name is:

Dandara Tavares

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

And finally ...

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Masked Virtuoso Your Superpower is Ancient lore Your Weakness is Itching Your Weapon is Your Sonic Revolver Your Mode of Transportation is Catapult

What's your Superhero Name?

I repeat (with emphasis) DRAT THAT POBBLE!

Tagged by the Pobble...

I've been tagged by the Pobble so here goes nothing...


7 Things

7 things I plan to do before I die (in no particular order):

1. Go to Iceland
2. Shave my head
3. Go hot air ballooning
4. Own at least one Pug
5. Return to acting
6. Learn to Belly Dance
7. Build something that doesn't come pre-cut or in a box

7 things I can do:

1. Find just about anything
2. Give my cats medicine
3. Make people laugh
4. Balance my checkbook (really, I can!)
5. Cook/Bake
6. Survive for a week with only $10 cash in my pocket
7. Be a good friend

7 things I cannot do:

1. Listen to county music
2. Watch sports
3. A split
4. Play a musical instrument
5. Say something other than "Where is the chocolate?" in another language.
6. Drive a stick shift
7. Understand higher math

7 things that attract me to the opposite (or same) sex:
(for real, not just to look at and drool)
1. Sense of humor
2. Compassion
3. Intelligence
4. The understanding that I am a "caretaker" but the ability not to take advantage of that
5. Self-confidence
6. Artistic/creative
7. Smile

7 things that I say most often:

1. Well, Shit
2. Fuck me
3. Piddle
4. Dammit!
5. What tha?
6. Isabella, stop it!
7. I can't hear you!

7 celebrity crushes (again, no particular order):

1. Matt Damon
2. Jason Statham
3. William Peterson
4. Seth Meyers
5. David Boreanaz
6. Breckin Meyer
7. Angelina Jolie

7 people I want to do this:

I don't actually know 7 bloggers who read this. Reluctant Texan, if you wanna have a go then you've been tagged. Anyone else...email me and I'll edit this! :-)

No more, please.

I've spent the last two days attempting to be in a news blackout. I just can't take it anymore. The dead, the dying, the displaced. The abandoned animals, the separated families. It's just too much to bear. And here I sit worried about my job and whether or not I can deal with the idea of being an administrative assistant.

But sometimes it is just easier to deal with petty personal problems than try to comprehend and process major catastrophes. And I just can't deal with what is going on down south.

This must be kin to what people away from NYC and DC felt after 9/11. They couldn't possibly understand what we went through here. And yet, I still had a home to go to once the trains finally started leaving Grand Central again. I can't fathom what those poor souls are feeling. Will they ever have a home to return to?

And the politicians just make it worse. Every. Single. Day. I'm sick of hearing/reading/seeing a politician making some asinine statement about the situation. As if the young kids playing ball in a shelter are really happy to be there and are really having a good time. Maybe it is "kinda fun" but I think they would prefer to be playing ball in their own damn yards.

And the bodies. Oh, the bodies. Like some horrid movie. I remember thinking, while watching all of the 9/11 coverage, that the movie directors got it wrong. In the movies, buildings that collapsed never looked like the Twin Towers coming down.

Isabella sometimes hides from me by hiding her face. If she can't see me, then I can't see her. How I wish that were true in this case. I wish that my changing the channel meant that everything went back to normal, that my refusing to see meant that it didn't exsist, that it never happened.

I don't want to know that travesties such as this happen here. Where I live. I know that's an awful thing to say/think/feel. As if we Americans are somehow so much better than the rest of the world. Like we're all NIMBYs. But we aren't. We're all over the place, giving aid to everyone but ourselves. Thank goodness for the outpouring of help from everyone in the country and all over the world.

I know I have to start watching again, I should be informed about what's going on in my country, in the world. I'll watch again on Monday. Just not right now.

I take comfort in Waiter Rant's most recent post "The God who Drowns." It made me think of my father, who always chased the monsters away.

Would that he could do that now.

My New Job???

ARRGH!

I started a new job yesterday. I was really psyched because the job is 1.5 miles from my house. I think I let that information completely cloud my brain during the rest of the interview process. That and I kept getting calls from the agency during the workday - when I was still working at my previous job. And I had no privacy so everyone who cared to listen to my conversations could.

So, anyway, here's a little rundown of what I Thought I heard and what actually IS:

Thought: This is a temp-to-perm position. You'll probably go perm in 30 days.

IS: This is a temp-to-perm position. You might go perm in 3 months or the client will hire someone from the pool of applicants she is still interviewing.

Thought: The job entails some admin work and work on PowerPoint, database and other such programs.

IS: The job is mostly admin (scheduling meetings - ooh, exciting!) and maybe an update of a pre-existing PowerPoint presentation or two.

Thought: This is a good opportunity and will really play to your strengths.

IS: This is a good opportunity if you play your cards right, suck up a bit, and act like an eager beaver.

Okay, so I have NOTHING against Administrative Assistants. I know that on the executive level, the pay is outrageous and, truth be told, if I manage to go perm on this job, my salary will be, while not outrageous, pretty damn decent.

I'm just having a real issue with ME being an administrative assistant. In my last major job, the one where I was a slave for over 7 years, I earned the title of Assistant Vice President. Now that I'm out in the real world, I've discovered that that title really translates to: "fancy-title-given-to-slave-in-a-tiny-company-to-make-slave-overlook-the-fact-that-she's-working-60-hours-a-week-and-is-getting-paid-jack-while-boss-is-planning-on-selling-said-tiny-company-for-a-huge-profit-and-not-give-any-cut-to-said-slave-who-in-actuality-was-a-major-reason-the-boss-was-able-to-get-so-much-money-for-the-tiny-company."

Inotherwords (for you Reluctant Texan!) I can't get hired anywhere with that title on my resume. At least that's what 3 resume/placement agencies told me. AVP in a tiny company means nothing when compared to AVP in a large company. It was just window dressing. So, I've had to rearrange my resume to make it look as if I was an executive assistant to the president of the company. Okay, granted, he couldn't format a document to save his life, but I really wasn't his assistant. The clients I was handling by the time I ran screaming to the hills, grasping at what little shred of sanity still dangled from my fingertips, amounted to 75% of the profits of the company. I worked my ass off. I had connections all over the country and clients who depended on me and knew I'd get their work done. I was important, darn it! Yes, I did admin work but it was MY admin work.

And now I'm doing someone else's admin work and it's really quite depressing. And I don't even know if I'm going to get to keep this job. Which really sucks since I left a full-time (with benefits) job to take this one. I haven't been an hourly worker since 1993! Yikes, Yikes, and triple Yikes.

So, let's work this out:

PRO: potential of possibly being more than "just an admin" if I play my cards right.
CON: She's interviewing another candidate tomorrow.

PRO: It's 1.5 miles from my house
CON: I'll spend most of my day scheduling meetings

PRO: There's a stocked kitchen for employees on every floor (H20, sodas, coffee, tea, hot chocolate, yogurt, soup, oatmeal, boxed cereal, milk, fresh fruit, etc.)
CON: I'm going to be bored a lot of the time

PRO: It's 1.5 miles from my house.
PRO: There's a stocked kitchen for employees on every floor
PRO: It's 1.5 miles from my house.
PRO: There's a stocked kitchen for employees on every floor

So, am I selling my soul for a short commute and free food? Does Isabella take every opportunity to annoy Merlin?

*Sigh* life was so much easier in high school when I made the pronouncement that I was going to be on Broadway and be independently wealthy by the time I was 25.

I've been spammed ...

Word verification on?

Check.

Drat those spammers!

Where Am I?

My BF got an email the other day from his high school girlfriend. He hasn't spoken to her in over 15 years (although he has spoke OF her several times in the 8 years we've been together). She's married with two kids and was a lawyer but is now a SAHM and just dropped him a note asking how he was doing. He's not entirely sure what he's going to do about it. High school was a lifetime ago and the person he is now is not the person he was then. Let's face it; if he and I met when we were in high school, there is no effing way we'd ever be together - no matter how much opposites attract!

So what's the problem?

No real problem. I'm not jealous in the least but he's now in a kind of funk. And honestly, haven't we all been there? You find out something about someone from your past and suddenly you question every decision you have ever made since the last time you saw that person. I can't even begin to count how many times that has happened to me.

Every guy I ever dated before this one is now married. At least three of them have children and (from the outside looking in) they are all doing better than me. The heartbreaker is living in CA, married to an ice skater with the most adorable baby boy imaginable. The never-leaving-the-'burg guy is (as far as I know) still married with at least one child. Probably by now has 2 if not more. I expect he's still an engineer. The never-gave-a-chance guy is married, has a daughter, and is a director/adjunct professor at a college in VA.

And where am I?

This is where I start to get into a funk. What have I done with my life that compares to these guys? But, after eating a bowl of cookie-dough and moping around for a bit, I force myself to stop and really take a look at my life.

So I'm not married. Who cares? I've been dating the same guy for 8 years - living together for 7 - and we may as well be married. We just don't have the piece of paper from the state validating our relationship. Now, as we are getting older, we are realizing that this "piece of paper" is pretty important if something should happen to either one of us. Who should make medical decisions for the other? Parents who live a thousand miles away or a partner? What happens to me if something happens to him? Questions like that are starting to hit home so now we're talking about marriage. Slight problem - he's Jewish and I'm not. I'm now taking a class with an eye toward converting.

So we don't have children. Who cares? We will have children when we're ready for them. What we do have are two cats we love beyond words, which we rescued from hard lives and almost certain death. They have enriched our lives immeasurably. The one we lost two years ago taught us that the quality of time spent is far better than the quantity.

So I'm not a famous star. Who cares? I found that once I believed and trusted myself, I no longer needed approval from anyone else. Yes, I do miss acting but the acting I miss I won't find again. I miss acting in Grad School, with a director that pushed me harder than I thought possible and with people I knew and trusted. I miss acting at the FAC (which no longer exists) because it was just so much FUN! Perhaps once I leave NY and all the "actors" here, I'll find a niche in a fun community theatre again.

So I don't have a high-powered career. Who cares? Right now I don't have any career. I'm starting a new job in three days and I have no idea what it'll be like. I don't even know what I'll be doing. I'm just so thrilled that the office is 1.5 miles from my house. If nothing else, my quality of living just shot up. No more commuting to NYC. I've just knocked 30-45 minutes off my commute. That's 1-1.5 hours off my day. I'm giddy just thinking what that extra hour means in terms of getting "stuff" done. I'll have time to play with Isabella in the morning - no more feeling guilty leaving her sitting on her perch, tail half pouffed, waiting for me to throw a cat toy to her. I'll have time to actually eat breakfast before leaving the house. I'll have more time in the evening to read a book or exercise. The possibilities are endless.

It doesn't make sense to be upset that I'm not a lawyer or a doctor or a chef or a broker. I never wanted to be any of those things to begin with. I have an insurance license but I don't ever want to actually sell insurance. Everyone says I'd make a great teacher (at least those who don't know me REALLY well - Pobble will probably snort coffee through her nose when she reads that) but I have never EVER wanted to be a teacher. That's a calling I just don't have.

So what have I done with my life? I went to graduate school and moved to the "Big City." No, I never lived the "Sex in the City" lifestyle but, to be honest, that just isn't me. No, I don't have a huge circle of friends but I'm thankful for the amazing friends I do have, even though I don't see them nearly as often as I would like. I've done amazing things - like Trapeze School and I was in a show when I first moved up here that was reviewed in BackStage and I got a complimentary line written about me. That's great! I'm taking an incredible class on Judaism that I love and I've volunteered at Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic recording books onto CDs.

Yeah, there are things I'd like to change in my life and they are all things that can be changed if I just work at it a bit. But doesn't everyone have things they'd like to change here and there?

I'm not the person I was when those people from the past knew me. Just like I won't be the person I am now in 15 years. To be in a funk about what I think someone else will think my life should be completely devalues what my life actually is. I'm blessed. And that knowledge does more for me than any amount of raw cookie dough!