Waves

On Thursday, I missed Merlin so much, I thought I was going to vomit. Isabella did something that reminded me that Merlin was gone. He wasn't under the bed or under the chair or in the other room. He was gone. He was just...gone.

I sobbed in the car later that evening when I went to the grocery store.

I finally started vacuuming again. I haven't vacuumed for weeks. First, I didn't want to disturb Merlin. Then, I didn't want to erase him. The entire time I was vacuuming under the bed I kept saying to myself "It's all right, he's not there. It's all right, he's not there."

I miss him. I have to go to the vet and pick up his ashes but I can't. Not yet. I miss my big boy.