Now What?

I'm 36.

There. I said it. I'm 36 years old. I may not look 36 but I am. I'm 36.

Now, if someone would just tell my reproductive organs that I'm ONLY 36 and going through early menopause (or "Premature Ovarian Failure") is not something I'm keen on doing at the moment since I haven't decided yet if I want a child or not.

Menopause.

That sounds so old. I figured I still had at least 5 years, if not more, to make a decision concerning children. I'm not ready to do that now. I don't want to deal with that now, not when I've got a dying cat, an easily-stressed husband (who isn't handling the dying cat issue very well), a looming apartment renovation (2 new baths, painting, carpeting, flooring, etc) and a job that I'd like to move forward in. And did I mention the dying cat?

The high cholesterol, I can deal with and, happily, it's come down 48 points since April.

The thyroid, I can deal with, even though it can't seem to make up its mind - "Hmmm, do I want to produce more? Do I want to produce less? Let's keep 'em guessing and change it for every blood test!"

Early menopause? Premature Ovarian Failure?

I can't deal with it. I can't even think about it. I can't even begin to think about TALKING about it.

But, I have to. Talk about it. Because at 36 I've learned that just because I don't talk about something, doesn't make it not exist.