Aftermath

Teach can't stop crying.

It feels like forever since we lost Merlin but it hasn't even been 72 hours yet. How can that be?

Teach asks me to take the pictures away and then, when I turn my back, he pulls them out again and starts crying.

He asks to see videos and starts crying before I even get it on.

He tells me that he can't find Merlin. That nothing smells like Merlin anymore. He says we should have waited, we should have let the medicince do its work, that we should have let the vet work on him.

He feels guilty. He's heart-broken. He's devestated. He's bereft.

I can't help him.

I want him to stop. I want him to suck it up. I want him to stop crying. I want him to let go.

I don't ask him to do any of this. I tell him "I know." I tell him "He's better now." I tell him "We hurt because we loved him so much." I tell him "He hated vets." I tell him "He stopped using the litter box." I tell him "He wasn't the same Merlin for some time."

I want to move on because I can't stand feeling this way. I can't stand being this raw. I can't grieve because if I grieve, it'll set Teach off again and I can't deal with that. His sobbing is heart-breaking.

I have never felt so helpless in my entire life.