My Heart Hurts

I just heard from a lost, but not forgotten, friend and former colleague. Turns out he has Leukemia and has about 6 months to live. He wasn't calling me to give me the bad news, he just came across my number and realized it had been forever since we had spoken and he decided to give me a ring. I'm so thankful that he did. I lost track of him two years ago when the company we both worked for was sold. The new company didn't have much use for him and I quit soon after. I had an old number and tried to call him several times but couldn't get through. I even tried to track him down through the Internet but no luck. I've thought about him many, many times and wished there was a way to find him. Fortunately, he found me. He had to sell his house and is now living in an assisted living facility.

He's only 59.

I met P in 1997, soon after I started working at my 7-year job. At that time he was a client and was thrilled that I had been hired. He didn't like the other woman working there and made no bones about it. Of course, it didn't help that she was rude and unprofessional. (She would answer the phone with "What do you want?" rather than "Company Name, how can I help you?")

P had been in the military - working logistics - so he always wanted to make sure everything was done and in place. Have the books been ordered? Is the instructor scheduled? He was quick to fuss if something wasn't done correctly but he was even quicker to compliment me on a job well done.

After he left the client, P came onboard with us as a freelancer. I sent him all over the country and he was always glad to go. I most enjoyed bringing him to New York because he would always stop by the office. He always knew when I was stressed out and would offer words of encouragement, not to mention a Diet Dr. Pepper. He often told me I was being wasted at the job (which was true) and he offered to work on my resume (which he did).

Even though there were times when he would tax my patience with his logistical questions (what time does the plane arrive? How far is the airport from the hotel? How long does it take to get there?) he was my favorite. I did everything I could to keep him busy and it broke my heart when his marriage ended and then the company was sold and I couldn't send him anywhere anymore.

Diabetes also runs in his family and his two older brothers were already blind and had limbs amputated. P is also diabetic but kept it under control - except for his love of Snickers. If he was coming in, we always made sure there were mini Snickers around for him. At least one or two.

And then I lost track of him. And now he has Leukemia. And I will call him and write him often. He has no children and no wife. I don't know if he has any family near by. I think that's what hurts the most - knowing this energetic, funny, caring, and intelligent man is battling a life-taking illness alone. And I didn't realize how much I missed him until I spoke to him tonight and I'll probably never see him again.

My heart hurts.



At least there will always be Snickers.